Paul Krugman packs for his trip to the Yukon.
Having written the Op-Ed “Financial Policy Dispair” published in Monday’s New York Times, Paul Krugman, the 2008 Laureate of the Nobel Prize in Economics and professor of economics and international affairs at Princeton University, has garnered national attention in his blunt critisism of the purportedly major shortcomings of the American government’s newest bank rescue plan. Pointing to Treasury Secretary Geithner’s so-called “one-way bet” that toxic assets will increase in value with the government once-again absorbing hefty costs should the “subsidized” private investments turn sour. Dr. Krugman expressed Monday that our dire financial system and the Obama administration’s lack of adequate solutions is “filling [him] with a sense of despair.”
Dr. Krugman was spotted today with a moving van outside his New Jersey residence, and upon further investigation, it appeared that he was packing his belongs for a permanent relocation. “We’re all doomed. We’re all doomed,” was a frantic chant heard outside his suburban home. Knocking, the half-ajar front door opened revealing a state of disarray in the house. A television could be heard in the background playing a nature special. Krugman answered the door wearing an unbuttoned, blue oxford shirt with beads of sweat on his forehead. “We’re all doomed,” he panted.
Upon being invited inside and asking Dr. Krugman to qualify his statements he made little eye contact, instead looking only at the floor with a shifty gaze pacing about. “US banks unstable. Economic collapse imminent. Geithner is injecting trillions in capital to purchase toxic assets that bankers won’t touch with a 700 billion foot pole claiming that they are actually of value like a nightmarish infomercial that sells hype to Wall Street like worthless inventions to late-night television watchers. Once the American people realize the blinds have been pulled over their eyes once again and that their currency has been diluted by bank notes backed by nothing…” he shudders. “There’s only one way to survive this Financial Winter, and that’s to get the hell out while you still can,” he continued as he scrounged the house for missing socks.
“Can you hand me that flint and my Winchester,” he asked while grabbing a case of .30-06 Springfield ammunition. “It’s going to be every man for himself once this bank plan collapses global markets. This is the last straw I’ve had with the American government. I’ve been threatening it for many years now, but I’m moving to Canada.” Upon being asked why he would require a flint and substantial firepower to move to Canada he replied, “I’m moving to the Yukon and never looking back.”
